It's Me Vs. Me

I have bad teeth. I’ve written about them several times. The quickest synopsis can be found in The Tooth Fairy Owes Me. I’ve tried my best to be light hearted about all of it, trying to keep in mind that in the grand scheme of life, my problems are not that big of a deal.

But you know what? It’s not all fun and games and while humor can sometimes make a situation not seem so bad, there are other times when you just gotta  feed that beast and let the frustration and hurt run its course.

I had another appointment today and what I thought was going to happen didn’t happen. I was supposed to have a gum graft but the doctor said I wasn’t ready. I’m torn by this. I want to be done, but I also love the fact that he wants to make sure it’s done RIGHT.

I get it. I do. But I’m just so tired and frustrated and DONE.

• I’m tired of my mouth being pulled every which way every 3-6 months.
• I’m tired of the cost.
• I’m tired of the time it takes.
• I’m tired of how shot my nerves get immediately before, during, and immediately after.
• I’m tired of having to explain to the kids that they need to be careful when they kiss me.
• I’m tired of food running down my face because I can’t feel it.
• I’m tired of the whole left side of my face, including my upper eyelid, being numb.
• I’m tired of wishing my face would be numb again when the pain finally sets in.
• I’m tired of the antibiotics.
• I’m tired of the staining on my teeth from the prescription moutwash.
• I’m tired of being careful of the stitches when I brush my teeth.
• I’m tired of telling people “I’m hopefully almost done.”
• I’m tired of backing out commitments because of appointments.
• I’m tired of the drive to the oral surgeons office.
• I’m tired of Emma asking me if she’ll have to have surgery when she goes to the dentist.
• I’m tired of looking like I’ve been in a bar brawl for a week or two after surgery.
• I’m tired of rinsing with salt water.
• I’m tired of wondering whether all of this is going to be worth it or if I’ll have to do it all again in 5 years time.
• I’m tired of worrying about every ache, pain and discomfort in my mouth.
• I’m tired of getting into a fitness groove only to have derailed for 2-5 days.
• I’m tired of having shots of novicaine in my mouth.
• I’m tired of having to get more shots of novicaine in my mouth because the first shots weren’t enough.
• I’m tired of making sure I have enough soft foods in the house.
• I’m tired of realizing too late that I’m not ready for harder foods.

That’s it. No happy go lucky silver lining. No rose colored glasses. No jokes to make it all better.

I’m tired and frustrated, and today I’m going to let myself feel that.