Before and After

Every once in a while, I will set out to find a “before” picture.

I search through the piles of pictures trying to find that one perfect print that portrayed how truly overweight I was. Every single time, though, I came up empty handed.

As I searched this morning, I came up with four possible reasons why:

1. I wasn’t in very many pictures. I was usually the one behind the camera.
2. If I was in a picture, it was usually just of my head or I was making a silly face (can you believe it??) that completely distorted what I really look like.
3. The times I remember being the biggest, I was actually pregnant or right after giving birth and that totally doesn’t count.
4. I was never as big as a I felt.

The further away I get from my “before”, the harder of a time I have remembering it. I don’t remember what I looked like, I only remember what I felt I looked like.

I remember feeling huge, so I must have been huge.

I remember feeling like I had cankles, so I must have had cankles.

I remember feeling like everyone was staring at me as I walked down the street, so they really must have been.

I remember feeling like the weight was never going to come off…

Every day that I move further away from that time is a day that it becomes easier to focus on the now. I don’t want to remember those feelings anymore, so I’ve decided I’m replacing them with new  ones.

I remember feeling AWESOME when I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon.

I remember feeling PROUD when I lost weight on vacation.

I remember feeling UNSTOPPABLE when I completed my first triathlon.

I remember feeling STRONG when I turn down dessert that I don’t really want anyway.

So, I’m not going to search for a “before” picture anymore, because my “after” and my “now” is pretty stinking awesome.