When I was growing up, I never had a lot of friends. I had a handful of people that I played with, but for the most part I kept to myself.
I was never the popular kid. On most nights in high school, you could find me either at play practice or watching TV with my mom and dad. I was a homebody, for sure.
And now I see that in Jacob.
He never asks to have friends over. He never asks to go to any friends’ houses. He doesn’t even really TALK about having any friends.
He’s happy to come home and do his thing. He does his homework, he goes to soccer practice, he goes to gymnastics, he comes home and plays, he goes to bed.
He’s friendly. He’s polite. He gets along really well with most kids.
He just chooses to be by himself.
Is that bad?
Part of me wants him to have friends over and to go to friends’ houses. I’m sure my mom wished the same thing for me.
The other part of me wants to realize that he is just how I was.
How I am.
It such a struggle. I want him to be happy. And he seems to be happy being by himself. But I also am the queen of “what if…” So I’m constantly asking “What if it’s my fault he doesn’t want to have friends over.”
This parenting thing is tough. It’s a fine line between wanting my kids to grow up to be their own people, and influencing them too much because of my own personality.
Wow, Thea. I could have written this post. Liam is exactly the same way, as am I. And I’m always questioning if it’s my influence — my fault — that he is the way he is. That I don’t give him enough opportunities to make friends. That I don’t push him to be more outgoing. Etc.
I’m working to simply leave him be and let him find his own comfort zone. It’s not easy to sit back and watch your kid be alone. On the other hand, alone is completely different than being lonely.
Alex is the same way. Very much an independent person. We have talked to him recently about trying to make friends and be more interested in other people. The problem when they get older and they are loners, is the kids will tease them for it. Everybody in junior high needs a friend. Alex is finding that out the hard way. He’s always been nice to all the kids, but he would rather read at lunch than socialize and they are teasing him for it. There is no easy answer……
Sometimes it’s hard to see ourselves in our kids, but I think it’s awesome that he seems content with who he is at his age. Cherish it, because I’m sure Emma will more than make up for his lack of a desire to be extra social. Girls are like that.
I was totally like that too.