Stained Glass

Yesterday, I had a day.

I was grumpy literally from the moment I rolled out of bed and pretty much stayed that way until late into the evening.  We were busy all day long and I felt like I never really had a chance to catch my breath. I was short with Dave, yelled at Jacob, and fought back my own tears as Emma cried hers.

All I wanted was a break.  Dave offered to take Jake and Emma to Em’s soccer game, giving me about an hour and a half to myself.  It definitely helped, but I still couldn’t shake that intense feeling of dread that comes over me when I don’t have any downtime and my plate is too full (which is one of the reasons I question my desire to get a job).

Then I feel bad for being grumpy…almost like I’m being selfish and have no right to BE GRUMPY.  My family is healthy, I’m healthy, we have no financial hardships, and generally life is good.

But all I see is that I don’t have 5 minutes to myself and OHMYGOODNESS, PLEASE DON’T ASK ME WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO SAY NO ANYWAY and Emma hasn’t eaten breakfast in 3 days because she refuses to get dressed and…and…and…

The last time I realized I needed to focus on the positive, I went out and bought a book: The Daily Book of Positive Quotations.  I read it every morning to give me a little boost to start my day.

This morning’s quote hit home.

People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in , their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I need to work on finding that light.

It definitely wasn’t shining yesterday.